Fangirl: Book thoughts, Book 4

Rowell, Rainbow. Fangirl. New York: St. Martin's Griffin, 2013. Print.

I loved Rainbow Rowell’s Fangirl.  SERIOUSLY. Usually, I want to give a book five stars on Good Reads and end up giving it four. This time, I started with four stars and made a conscious decision to go with five.  Let me tell you why. I decided that for a book to be amazing, it does not have to amaze the whole entire world. It just has to amaze one person. Since I’m the one rating and writing about it, it’s okay if that person is me.

This book introduces readers to Cather Avery, a college freshman who just happens to be famous on the internet for her fan fiction about the book and movie series Simon Snow. Simon is clearly supposed to be compared to Harry Potter.   Yet, through snippets of Cath’s popular stories and the books she’s read with her twin sister Wren, Simon slowly starts to have his own life.

At the same time, so does Cath. This isn’t really a story about fan fiction.  It’s a story about how Cath builds and rebuilds her life during her first year of college. By the end of the book, she learns to live with the terrifying, unstoppable monster of change.  She makes an unlikely friend of her spunky roommate Regan. She falls in love with a cheerful boy named Levi who constantly occupies her room.  Cath even starts to figure out how to have adult relationships with her family.   

Fangirl is a novel that will probably never be a movie.  I feel fairly confident in saying so, because Rowell writes about college, not high school. There’s no tear jerking graduation scene or standing ovation of any kind.  No one dies. No one gets married, engaged or pregnant. No one even begins to save the world, at least not in the story itself. There are several stories within the story, and the leading man has a prominent receding hairline at 21. I deeply care about these characters and would love to see them on screen, but they have zero franchise potential.  They actually watch fantasy movies instead of determining what the next big one will be.

Despite all this, and largely because of it, Fangirl is one those books I’ll never even come close to forgetting.  I could be 99 years old and still smile when I see it on a shelf, or randomly remember a certain scene.  I wish I’d written some of the more poetic passages.

Maybe the real reason I love this book so much is that Rowell writes mostly of events and emotions I've experienced in real life, directly or indirectly. Some lines are things I’ve actually thought.  When I stop and think about that for a second, it legitimately amazes me. I don’t think it’s ever happened before, and it’s not likely to happen again unless I write a book of my own.

Cather Avery and I have a lot in common. I've been in college, I've been in love in college,  and I've had plenty of assignments I desperately thought I’d never finish.  I've been somewhat obsessed with an unforgettable world of a magical British boarding school.

Furthermore, I actually know what it’s like to have a guy obviously flirt with me for several months of my freshman year and have no idea what he is doing. I swear. It happened.

I suppose I can admit that, like Cath, I have also read and adored fan fiction about the passionate romance of two teenage boys who supposedly hate each other in the original story. (In my case, the original story is Glee, not Harry Potter.) Crazy, right?  But as Cath’s story shows open minded readers, it also kind of beautiful, and great fun.  In an unofficial fandom like Rowell’s Simon/Baz one, people from all over the world can bond, create and imagine in ways that once seemed impossible.

All fandoms, official or not, claim lots of real talent and true friendships. This book elegantly and hilariously reminded me of something very important to me. It reminded me that all fans of fictional worlds are free to live productive and maybe even magical adult lives.   Our favorite characters do not and will not stop us.  Rather, they will always be waiting for us whenever we want or need them, just like Simon and Baz. Just like Cath, Levi, Wren and Regan.

PS. If I’m wrong about the Fangirl movie, I’ll just go into a fit of happy giggles. I’ll be absolutely thrilled.  Unless they mess it up. 

You Are a Badass: Book Thoughts, Book 3

Sincero, Jen. You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life. Philadelphia: Running Press, 2013. Print.

I picked up Jen Sincero’s You Are a Badass because I desperately WANT to believe that I am a badass. I think a little more playful, genuine self-love and respect would make my life a lot less painful and even more amazing than it already is.  I just have trouble grasping the concept on my own.

 All my friends and family are awe inspiring. I love nature, words, the universe, and being alive.  I totally adore other people and their talent, but MYSELF? Not as much. Sure I have a great time hanging out with myself now, but I am also my biggest problem. I am the person I get most angry at, the only person I can never really forgive, the person in whom I have the least faith. I thought this book might help me with changing that.

Guess what?  It already has. Just reading the title and first fifty pages helped me determine that I had to finish this blog. I had to do the thing and have fun with it even if no one read it. I had to do it even if the worst possible result occurred: everyone read it and was disappointed.

I saw the book and thought, “If I read one self-help book in my entire life, it should be the one called You Are a Badass. In general Ms. Sincero’s opus did not disappoint me. She uses a playful, sarcastic, incredulous, superhero-friendly tone throughout the book. Sincero pretty much writes the way I think sometimes, so her book brought me plenty of chuckles and grins. It also brought me a few eye rolls.

The philosophy of the book comes partly from the law of attraction, which sounds a little crazy to me when it gets into vibrations and frequencies and energy. Yet, the basic idea is not that far fetched. It just means that thoughts matter. Thoughts can influence actions, actions can influence realities, and therefore we can start changing our lives by changing what we think. That’s not so crazy, is it? It is really hard, often unlikely, but not completely crazy.  Amazing people throughout history have made it happen.

One of my favorite sentences from this book is one I’m sure I’ve heard, read, even said before: “Time spent enjoying yourself is never wasted” (132). What made me almost believe it this time is the way the author learned it. She learned it from a bunch of Indian people who kept getting of the bus to go join wedding parties or do some extremely festive praying.

 I thought, “What if I stop secretly, subconsciously believing I wasted all this time not getting a PH.D. or winning the Nobel Peace Prize or something. What if I just got off the bus to attend the School of Joss Whedon and Friends, become a contributing editor, and meet my ‘French sister’ Skype pal?”

I’ve basically had a five year sleepover with my childhood best friend. In these five, going on six years, my relationships have generally been less stressful because I’ve had less stress in my life. I went on a cruise with my family, thus fulfilling my lifelong dream of seeing Caribbean “blue water!”

 I could list all the ways enjoying yourself might be a waste of time, and I have certainly participated in some of them. For now let’s just say the book encouraged me to see that I’ve wasted…a lot less time than I secretly thought.   

What if I can now get on whatever metaphorical bus I want, starting with this one, this silly, almost flop-wreck of a blog bus, work hard, and just “see what I can get away with?”(106)

You Are a Badass is full of fun advice, stories and exercises that I can use, but another reader could easily think it’s just vulgar nonsense and close it after the first few pages. My brother, for example, picked it up on his own. I think he’s a badass, but he hasn't gotten past the first mention of frequencies yet.  I don’t mind.

PS. If I had one short quote to share with everybody, it would be: “LOVE YOURSELF

 And the bluebirds of happiness will be your permanent backup singers” (108). 

Announcement and Readers Instinct

Alright I have an announcement. 

This blog is not dead. It’s NOT OVER. It’s not forgotten. Well, not by me.  I have read and/or listened to thirteen books so far this year.

I’ve done lots of thinking. I think so much that I read really slowly. I think so much that I judge what I read and can’t decide what to read next. I even judge my thoughts and come up with thoughts for other people to think about them. It’s exhausting sometimes.  I just haven’t done the whole writing my thoughts down for you to read thing.

To be completely honest, I judge my own thoughts, words and choices so harshly that to have them voluntarily judged by others for fun is utterly terrifying. It seems insane.  The results can cause me a lot of pain and humiliate me for days, weeks, even years. Trust me, I’ve been through it enough to know myself.   

However, I also know something else about this thought sharing, soul baring, and/or writing process. It’s usually worth the effort.

If I don’t do this one simple thing I wanted to do for myself, who knows what else I’ll miss out on.

Here are the books I’ve already read and experienced:

1.      The Fault in Our Stars by John Green

2.      Naked Heat by almost  Richard Castle

3.      The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion

4.      Heat Rises  by almost Richard Castle

5.      Divergent  by Veronica Roth

6.      Looking for Alaska by John Green

7.      The Thousand Dollar Tan Line by Rob Thomas and Jennifer Graham

8.      Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green and David Levithan

9.      City of Heavenly Fire by Cassandra Clare

10.  If I  Stay by Gayle Forman

11.  Where She Went  by Gayle Forman

12.  Lamb by Christopher Moore

13.  Frozen Heat by almost  Richard Castle

I’ve made some quick observations, not judgments, about my choices:

1.      I like John green…a lot

2.      I enjoy love stories and young adult books

3.      I love Richard Castle

4.      All known authors thus far are white. The person in charge of writing as Castle could be a blue woman for all I know, but because he exists in the hearts and minds of fans everywhere, he counts as a white man.

Now obviously I have nothing against books written by white people.  I simply don’t want to limit my reading to them, because everybody in the world is not white. I love reading stories I can relate to, but I also want to read about people who have different experiences than mine.  I don’t want to miss out on something great because it’s not the first thing I picked up.

That being said I have no rules about what to read for a reason. It’s more than just making this perilous task easier. I have this crazy theory that the best books come at the best times for me.  I’ll call it…reader’s instinct.

 There’s a version of this theory that applies to TV shows and movies as well. The same ideas might apply to blogs that take longer than expected:

If I don’t finish a book, it’s because I’m not ready yet. When I do finish, I often learn something, think something new to me, or share the story with a friend. Sometimes I just get that feeling that all is right with the world for a minute.

 I would  promise to have 24 decent posts by December 31^st,  but then this blog would become another unfinished new year’s resolution, and I want it to be more that. I want it to be an adventure.

 Therefore I, Angela Swanson, do solemnly swear to read and publicly comment on at least 24 books EVENTUALLY, baring tragic death.  Series may be included and may be covered in one post.  Oh, and Nikki Heat does count. We’ll discuss why later.

Book 2

Simsion, Graeme C. The Rosie Project. Melbourne: Text, 2013. 

Reading The Rosie Project was almost an accident---totally unscheduled.  I saw it in a local book store recently and was drawn to the festive red cover with a heart made of tiny yellow bike tracks.  I passed it up for another, seemingly wiser selection.

A few days later, there it was again, on my Christmas Kindle for 2.99. "This must be what e-readers are for," I thought, and I devoured it happily.  I liked the unique voice of the narrator, Don Tillman, and the relationship he builds with Rosie Jarman, his spunky, unlikely new friend.  However, I do wonder if it is authentic and I might have wished for a different ending.

 The great thing about "accidental" reads is they always surprise me. If I had known the plot and characters ahead of time, I might not have had quite as much fun deciphering the language of this book.

By the time I'd read far enough for  Don, the super-geeky genetics professor with two friends and very picky dating criteria, to finish giving his fabulous lecture on Asperger's syndrome to a bunch of kids a lot like him, I figured out that he probably has it too. He just doesn't exactly know it.

Like most heroes in romantic comedies, he doesn't exactly know he's in love either. Not until the very end. His growing irrational affection for Rosie is adorable.  From the very first accidental date, when she walks in a little late,   his number one pet peeve, he's able to adjust his rigid schedule and live on "Rosie time" (54).

I don't know how realistic any of it is, especially the DNA collection capers in search of Rosie's father, but it is good, cute fun with people who are different.  

It isn't that Asperger's is funny. It's painful sometimes, as Don shows readers. I felt for him, and felt EXTREMELY bad to know that I might have been one of the laughing crowds. What is funny, in this book and in life, is awkwardness. I should know.  I can be pretty awkward myself.

 Like Don, I remember being shocked and skeptical when someone found me attractive and/or or wanted me to call.  Unlike him, I can't say that I've ever answered the phone in the middle of my own genetics lecture and said, "I like you, too."  I'm not quite as "accustomed to creating an amusement inadvertently," (74) but I can relate.   

  

What Don and Rosie learn over the course of the story is that they are not actually as opposite as they seem. Of course Don is capable feeling love; it's obvious, it's just not usual. Love doesn't have to conform to any trivial standards.   So what if Don doesn't feel for fictional characters and eats lobster salad every single Tuesday? Some days I wish I were like that.

He also makes some pretty good observations about human behavior and some awesome cocktails. You wouldn't want to threaten him with all that martial arts training. 

Someone who knows about living with Asperger's may or may not have more complaints about accuracy. 

The one problem I know enough to have is that the story basically ends in a marriage/life partner proposal before the couple even establishes a relationship.  If Don Tillman isn't wired for social conventions, his story shouldn't have to follow the very old conventions of one genre. This isn't Shakespeare or Austen, romantic comedies can end differently now.

I mean, relationships are hard enough without significant social impairments.  I just wish Rosie could have stopped the movie music and said something really cheesy, like "WHOA. Hold on, babe, let's see how it goes."  I think Don would've been just fine. 

As he discovers, some of the best things in life are unscheduled.

PS. I would recommend the book Mocking Bird, by Kathryn Erskine, to anyone looking for a story that’s slightly less...cute involving Asperger's. This is ironic, because it's about a ten year old. I found it by “accident" in the children's department once.

BOOK 1

 Green, John. The Fault in Our Stars.  New York: Dutton, 2012. Print.

My first reaction upon finishing  John Green’s The Fault in Our Stars was to repeat the most adorable fictional text message I have ever read, “Hazel grace, do not tell me I have reached the end of this book” (53). I loved the book. I did not want it to end. It gave me nightmares about death and grief, but there was not a word I didn't enjoy.

I did not cry.  For whatever reason, I don’t usually cry fictional tears, but still, I might expect one or two from a story about two kids who fall in love because of a cancer support group. Nope.  I laughed almost the whole time. Mr. Augustus Waters and Miss Hazel Grace Lancaster are both so witty and smart and sexy in spite of being incredibly sick and (somewhat) believably seventeen. They are kind, but refuse to take people’s cruelty and ignorance. One thing they are not is saints. Augustus is definitely full of himself. Hazel watches way too much America’s Next Top Model and is a brat to her mom.

I felt privileged to get to know them and watch their nerdy, book loving relationship unfold. Once or twice, I actually wondered if it was wise to start my adult brain exercise blogging adventure with such a fun teen love story. 

However, it is also a deeply difficult and truthful teen love story, one that I have a strong ability to relate to at 28.  I found some philosophy and poetry hidden in the pages.

One of my favorite parts is when Gus asks Hazel if she has a wish from their fictional version of the Make a Wish foundation and gets her to sheepishly admit that she did, in fact, spend it at Disney World. Seriously, I laugh just thinking about it. For one thing, as I have mentioned, Augustus Waters is a funny kid. For another, I love someone who spent his wish at Disney, too—someone who has very different wishes now. Unlike Gus, I have no wish of my own to share with him.  I won’t tell our love story at the moment, but we know it. The person I love gave me my copy of The Fault in Our Stars for Christmas.

I have to sheepishly admit that I spent part of my time with Hazel and Gus being jealous of them, even though I knew at least one of them would die of cancer. Maybe “Augustus Waters drove horrifically” (27), but at least he could drive.  Maybe Hazel’s lungs “sucked at being lungs”(8), but at least she could go on dinner dates alone with her love interest. I was also jealous because Hazel gets to meet her favorite writer, and say exactly what she should say, even if he is a complete nightmare.  

Jealousy is horrible, I know. Cancer is horrible. I would NEVER, EVER WISH IT ON ANYONE and I have no earthly clue what having cancer is like, but I know these characters now. I am pretty sure that after everything they go through on their worst days, they would be thrilled to have my jealousy and non-cancer related admiration rather than pity. I am also pretty sure John Green would be happy that I learned along with them. See, I’m not just jealous; I’m looking up to them, because they are so imperfectly human. The fact that I am writing about them like real people demonstrates his talent.

By the time the book had reached its moving conclusion, I wanted to hit myself over the head with it, count all the wonders of my world, and maybe help a friend egg a deserving someone’s car.

.

I think the message of this story is that most of us question the fairness of our fates at one time or another, along with our likelihood of leaving a positive mark on the universe. Green suggests that the best way to face these issues is to just get over ourselves and look around. “Notice everything,” (307) and importantly, everyone. If you are lucky enough to love and be loved, let that be enough. That’s all so ridiculously much easier said than done, but if we can do it, at least on our good days, we might make an impact after all. So, we hurt, we get really frustrated and bratty, we hurt others and we die. To use Hazel and Gus’s favorite flirty word, OKAY. Some pretty amazing, hilarious stuff can happen along the way.

PS.  At work today, my friend/aid Crystal read The Fault in Our Stars beside me. She finished the whole thing. As I worked, I could hear her chuckling, and then sniffling, and then chuckling again. As usual, she cried all my fictional tears for me. I love her. We’re all going to see The Fault in Our Stars movie together.  Crystal will cry, again.           

Book thoughts Introduction

Last year I had way too many vague resolutions, so this year I made a simple, concrete one: to read and comment on at least 24 books.  I already know that that sounds easier than it actually is,   especially when you have a job, friends, family, a long distance relationship and TV shows to keep up with. Still, I really, really want to make it happen. This is a resolution to exercise my brain more. 

I want to do it because both reading and writing are healthy for me, and I’m not totally healthy without them. I am a word person, a story person. I like a good story in any form, true or fictional. 

I could set really strict rules about the kinds of books I will and will not read, when I will read them and when I will post. However, if I do that, I’m likely to get discouraged and break them all. This is not a movie blog. I will not get famous. I am just a geek doing an outside of college reading project. Like, way outside. ( Saint Andrews Presbyterian College isn't even called that anymore.)    So, let’s keep it real.     

This blog has 4 actual rules:

1.        The author will read 24 or more books, as mentioned above, within the year 2014.
2.       The author will comment on at least 24 those books and make a reasonable amount of sense,              with as few grammatical errors as possible.  *
3.        The author will be brave, as sharing her writing voluntarily often terrifies her.   
4.      The author will have fun

Please keep in mind that the blog is called “Book Thoughts,” not "Professional Book Reviews." I am new to this format and I am the boss.  Personal reflections will be included.

I can only hope that this blog will have some readers.

I hope that, if they do show up, they have a little fun along with me.

*I have cerebral palsy, which in my case means that I need a lot of personal care assistance and drive a motorized wheelchair. Some of my friends and my fiancée are also in wheelchairs. I know from experience that this information will help readers make sense of my reflections.